Setting a Compass

Change Comes

Sometimes, life presents us with an opportunity for a change in perspective. As September arrived, the school year began, and this has meant many things for me, as I transition back to being a full-time teacher, head of my department at school, and continue to pursue my authorial career. There has been a lot of anticipation for what this school year will mean for me on so many fronts. Being honest, I have been feeling defeated for a long time now with how my health has been impacting me (more on that in my newsletter if you want to know), but I have also been excited for what this next academic year will bring.

A Compass Moment

The Sunday before returning to the classroom, my husband and I visited a different church. My husband is the head sound technician at our church, and the church we visited was short a sound technician that Sunday, so he filled in, and I went along to help. However, that service has given me some food for thought I have been gnawing on since then. The pastor preached from 1st Peter Chapter 1. If you are unfamiliar with the context of that passage, Peter was writing to Christians who were experiencing exile while under the Roman authority of Nero. If you know anything about Nero, then you know the kind of persecution those Christians were up against was no small potatoes matter.

The verses that flipped my thinking for how to approach this year came from 1st Peter 1:13-16 “Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yoursevelves to former lusts as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written ‘Be holy, for I am holy.’” NKJV. Each part of these verses struck me like arrows on that Sunday and continues to hit me again with the challenges that have been arising in my life.

Why Did This Direct Me?

The first part of verse 13 talks about girding the loins of your mind. As a fantasy writer who spends a decent amount of time describing and thinking about armor, this phasing had an instant significance to me. The loins are your sides below the lowest rib and above the pelvis. Why this matters with armor is that this is an area you actively have to protect. If you sustain an injury to this area, plenty of vital organs can be hit, and you can die quickly. Anyone who has studied war can also tell you that battles are won and lost in the mind. That is why morale matters. So, when I heard verse 13, it smacked me upside the head with how our minds need protection, because an unguarded mind leads to death, sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally. Being a department head at my school this year is new to me, and I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be in this leadership role and what kind of leader I aspire to be. Guarding my mind is a crucial measure in all aspects of my life, but especially as I step into leadership. How I approach things will either lift my coworkers or tear them further down. That’s the part about being sober. I have to keep my reason and be a source of reason. This verse is a call to action for my life, but there’s more.

Peter continued with a reminder of where to place our hope. I have hit so many walls and faced so many setbacks lately that it would be easier at this point to give up. However, my hope does not come from my success or circumstances. That is why I will not be giving up. Make new plans? Yes. Forge new avenues? Of course. Surrender? Never. Why? Because I know who my Savior is, and my God has yet to fail me even in hardship.

When Peter mentions former lusts, he isn’t only talking about what we usually associate with the word. He is talking about the things we pursue with vigor, and who among us hasn’t poured their heart and energy into things that have not benefited them? I have. I’ve made excuses for why things in my thought space aren’t bad, why life choices aren’t stepping out of God’s will, and why my bad habits, such as self-deprecation, are preferable. In what way are any of those things furthering who I want to be and who I am called to be? They’re not. I would consider myself someone with good self-control, and yet I can no longer say that falling into those broken patterns isn’t chasing former lusts, when I have a roadmap that shows me how those things are pulling me off course.

This aligns with the last part of verse 16, which speaks of being holy in all your conduct. At work, it is easy to fall into a pool of complaining. It’s too easy to bemoan the state of the education system, workplace politics gripes, and the difficulties students can present me with at different times, where my heart is breaking for them, and sometimes because of them. However, if I fall into that pool, I am not guarding my mind. I am not acting with holy conduct. I am missing the good because I let the bad become what I see more often. I have a lot more to learn in this area, but that is exciting to me. There is always so much more to learn.

The Impact

I resolved that Sunday to keep these verses in the front of my mind as I return to school. I have fallen into old negative habits. I have pulled myself out of them. I have faced challenging classroom behaviors, and instead of griping, I have become hopeful about what that student’s future will look like when they begin using their many skills for the betterment of their life. I am looking at students in my classroom who have track records that suggest there is no way they will graduate in June, and I have imagined them walking that stage in triumph because they beat the odds and started fighting for their success. The conclusion of this is that I am growing.

More tests have come personally, regionally, nationally, and globally. Grief has been a neighbor on my shoulder, but that hope remains the stronger voice. Oh, it would be easier to give up, or at least to hide. However, as an author, I understand that raising the stakes is part of the refinement process, and as a Christian, I know the Author of my refinement. There is plenty to be scared of, but I do not need to fear. I may face weakness, but I am held by the Strength in my weakness. I may face setbacks, but I know the race I am running is not a sprint.

Where to Next?

To conclude this accidental sermon, it is my desire that you, reader, will come to know the same Hope I have found, adopt the resilience I am attempting to cultivate, and that your dreams for the future are never stumbled by moments of suffering. All things come in seasons, and some seasons are long. I am only alive today because God didn’t leave me in many long seasons, and He won’t leave me in this new one. May you come to know the love that Jesus Christ has for you. I write dark fantasy because I have lived in darkness, but I know where the Light is. It is my purpose to somehow show you the same One who saved my life, time and time again.

Keep reading. Keep writing. Put your faith in God. I will see you again next month!